I'm writing tonight to vent a little about what I see as a double standard in Christian circles that has caused pain to myself and some of my very good friends-- and plenty of women I know nothing about, I am sure.
So here's my beef; do we truly believe that "life begins at conception"? I know that in general Evangelical Christians 'talk the talk', but how many of you really 'walk the walk' in the lives of your sisters suffering from infertility and miscarriage? If you really believe that an unborn child at six weeks gestation is a living human being, endowed by God with all the aspects of the child carried to term and born into the world, then how can you not extend the same grace to the grieving mother of the one that you do to the mother of the other?
Now I don't pretend that all women feel the same way about their losses. Some women, blessed with fertile wombs and many children may possibly not know of their loss until it is past and may experience nothing more than a passing regret. But please, don't expect that the women who have prayed and hoped and wept and pleaded before the Lord for years for a child, will miscarry and then be back in church singing hymns with a joyful heart in a month.
So what exactly are we asking for? A little respect, I suppose you could say. An acknowledgment that our grief is just as genuine as the bereaved mother of the six-month-old, and may be just as long-lasting. An acknowledgment of the existence, the humanity, the legitimacy of our children that have died. I want to be able to state, without fear of ridicule or odd looks, that I have four children-- two here on earth, and two in heaven with the Lord--two that I will meet for the first time when I meet my Saviour. I want people to stop expecting bereaved mothers to be "normal" since it was "only a miscarriage, after all". I want my friends who are still walking in the newness of their grief to feel perfectly safe in expressing that grief. It is a child, not a biological accident, right? So that makes us mommies. Please be kind....
Is that so much to ask?