Things I love today

The lingering presence of my husband in a faint smell of tobacco, a pipe, and ash on the porch table beside a green glass whiskey tumbler and a worn copy of the Life and Work of Dante Alighieri.

A week off for Spring Break.

Kids, shivering in the pool, determined that "It's not cold, M-m-m-mom-mm-mmy!"

Eighty-degree days in March

Answered prayers, and the Lord's provisions

Azalea blossoms

Friends who don't mind packing into our tiny dining room, or balancing their plates on their knees while wedged, three-deep, on the two-seater couch.

My sleepy baby boy, pudgy fingers clamped tight to chubby cheek, nursing lazily, eyes rolling in contented satisfaction.

My big boy, charging from couch to floor, bouncing off the walls (literally) and shifting from superhero to knight to warrior and back again, in constant energetic motion.

My talltall girl. Long-legged, grey-eyed, stormy-cloudy-- then suddenly sunny again. From the height's to the depths and back again in nanoseconds.

An almost-decade of loving this man.

Screwtape letters again.

So this week we were discussing Love and Marriage (strains of Frank Sinatra....). Lewis takes on the whole modern idea of Being In Love in a way that I find gratifying and highly satisfactory. For someone who has such a Hollywood-esque love story myself, I'm quite pragmatic about the whole concept of Falling and/or Being In Love (which reminds me that I never did finish the story of Us).

I won't go into Lewis' thoughts too much, because this is my blog and he's already written a book about it... But suffice to say, he's against the notion that some romantic and highly unlikely combination of weak knees, fluttery tummies and pink clouds is any kind of solid basis for a decision about who to commit the rest of your life to. In particular I like and want to share with you this quote, in which the older demon, Screwtape, recommends that his young nephew, Wormtongue attack "the patient's" chastity by postponing or eliminating his chance for a happy marriage thusly,

"... the humans are to be encouraged to regard as the basis for marriage a highly colored and distorted version of something The Enemy really promises as its result."

So, a young man is, by his personal demon, to be kept from the natural fulfillment of God-given desires by the search for a mystical Something that is a pre-requisite to marital bliss and without which any marital commitment would be considered almost dishonest and self-serving.

Whereas God's actual design for marriage is that two people who enter into covenant with one another and vow to serve one another and seek each other's good above their own all the rest of their days, and THAT is what will produce all the blissful, emotionally fulfulling pink clouds you could wish for. And what's more, it will last for years, through think and thin. And it will only go on getting better and better with time and tribulation and testing, because it's based on a commitment to an Ideal, that of Christ's relationship to the Church, and it's built through self-sacrifice, not self-fulfillment.

Somehow I want to convince my children, before they get to the teenage years and begin to succumb to the Hollywood ideal of Romance, that, in order of importance, it's Marriage and then Love. The feeling of intimacy that we all long for, the knowing and being known, the Marriage of Two Minds and all that wonderful stuff... That's the RESULT, not the prerequisite. And it takes hard work, commitment and sacrifice to get there.

But oooooh, is it worth it! Every minute.

I have more thoughts on this topic, but it's reeeeally late and I need some sleep! So maybe I'll get back to it another day...





PS. Since I"m FB free for Lent, would y'all click on over and comments here, instead of leaving your comments on the auto-post on Facebook? Pretty please?

An excellent woman, who can find?

I was talking to a friend recently about the importance of finding creative ways to help "pad" the family income by working from home. As I've been thinking about it since then, I've come to the conclusion that I believe that women, no matter what the family income situation might be, ought to be involved in some way, no matter how small, in bringing home a little bacon on the side. Now, hear me out. I'm not talking about a big career, or hours spent away from home and children. I'm talking about using your God-given gifts in the context of your home and family to make a little money.

For starters, it's a great way to involve your children in the whole "bring money in, sending it back out" thing. Obviously Dad is the primary provider, but they don't actually get to see that in motion. You know what I mean? Children can learn a lot about the value of money when they actually see what it takes to bring it in and then see how quickly it can be spent. And I think they can participate and be paid appropriately for their participation.

In addition, there's something to be said for a little nest egg in your top drawer. Maybe it's only ten dollars, but I know that when I have ten dollars of babysitting money in my Paypal account, I don't have to feel guilty about taking a little to use for the extras-- a new blouse for the Christmas Party, for example :) It keeps me from feeling sorry for myself when things are a little tight. Or at least, it ought too!

As I was thinking about all this, I decided perhaps I ought to consult the Scriptures before solidifying my opinion, so I did. Voila! Good old Proverbs 31! Read it and tell me what you think of my ideas :)


10 An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.

12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

13 She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.

14 She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.

15 She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.

18 She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.

19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.

20 She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.

26 She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

27 She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

29 “Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”

30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

31 Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.


Man! I just love that passage! What more can you say? Isn't that the woman we all want to be? The woman we want our sons to marry? It covers pretty much everything.

Candlelight, Scrabble and a lovely glass of the Buble: or "How We Almost Burned Down the House Accompanied by Some Light Jazz"

One of my favorite blogs on my blogroll is Ordinary Days. Sarah is an ex-Marine (I think. Forgive me if I got the wrong branch of the military-- which, I understand, is a cardinal sin) and mom who writes with humor and pep. I kinda borrowed some of her ideas here...

Those of you with kids know that keeping a marriage...interesting, let's say...can be something of a challenge and requires effort, planning and creativity. Am I right? Yes, I am. I like to think that in our marriage we implement all of the above and have maintained just the right mixture of sugar and spice.

A short while ago, in the interest of maintaining said interesting marriage, I put the kids to bed and prepared to greet J (coming home late from teaching the night class) with some candles, wine, a little Michael Buble and the suggestion of a nice, romantic evening of... Scrabble. (go on, check it out, i'll wait. the rest of this won't make any sense unless you go and read. ready now? ok)

It was really nice. I pulled out all the stops. I had candles on the tables, the bookshelves, the floor and a roaring fire in the stove. We had wine and music and appropriate Scrabble-playing attire. Very appropriate. The children were asleep in their beds. J arrived home. The game was on.

I don't think I mentioned that this whole episode occurred during our bout with the flu, did I? Children don't sleep very soundly when they have the flu.

"Mama. Why are there blankets and candles all over the living room?"

"Oh, well. Mama and Daddy are having a little... picnic. Go back to bed."

(thank God for robes)

A little while later, sounds of coughing and choking and lack of breathing swing us into action with the steamy shower treatment for that croupy cough-- you know how it goes.

A little while after that, once the wine and the jazz have RE-worked their magic, just as the Scrabble game is getting veeery interesting... the candlelight is soft, the comforter is cushy, the... whaaa?? What is up with that candle over there on the floor... uh oh. Wow. Hey, it looks like maybe... yep. The floor is on fire. Lookee there.

I really wish I had pictures of that fire. I mean, how often do you get to see pictures of the very beginnings of a house burning down, right? Usually it's all....



But who ever photographs the first few flames, right? But, while I am not above postponing the dousing of a kitchen fire for the purposes of photographing it for the blog, I draw the line at a flaming living room floor. Beside, I tend to try and keep the camera as far away from our games of Scrabble as I can.

We went on to put out the floor fire and Scrabble was resumed. It was a good game and nothing was lost due to the frequent and traumatic interruptions. Like I said, it takes Effort, Planning and Creativity. And also a sense of humor and some perseverance.

From Floor Fire

Well. Jeremiah threw me a surprise party. Who'd a thunk it? It was awesome. And today I am feel very cat-who's-eaten-the-cream-ish. That is, sleek and contented. An evening of friends, good food and lots of laughter does that to me. As does the fact that my husband planned this whole thing out weeks ago and orchestrated babysitters, food, drinks and the most awesome cake EVER. All because he loves me.

Doesn't he rock??

He's simply dreamy :)

From Herb of Grace

Advice for new dads and dads-to-be (pass it on, ladies...)

(Originally posted in Sept, 2007. Re-posted now as part of "yikes-we-have-a-wedding-in-five-days-how-will-I-ever-find-time-to-blog!-week)


Having just gone through "new parenthood" again I wanted to give all my expectant friends a "heads up" about something that I wish someone had mentioned to us before Sofi was born. We were in a kind of difficult situation -- new town, school for hubby, home with baby for new mommy, still in the process of making friends and finding fellowship at church as well as being fairly newly married! But still, I think it's similar for all new moms. I totally wasn't expecting the emotional roller coaster caused by the post-partum hormones. It's pretty wild. This time, with Judah, it wasn't so bad--second time around, knew what to expect, more stable environment, etc. But with Sofi I ended up in a severe depression after months of struggling on my own. By the grace of God and through the intervention of a godly woman at Cov Pres I joined a women's bible study and discovered that what I was going through was totally normal and was given some help in managing all of it.

Now, you may have already heard all about this from your moms or other women in your family, and I'm sure you men have already noticed that your wives (whether still pregnant, or newly postpartum) are much more tender than usual. But I wanted to post about it and hope to reassure some of you who may feel like the baby ate all your wife's common sense and stability on the way out ;)

She's probably going to be doing a lot of crying in the next few months. Maybe even a LOT of crying. For totally dumb reasons, and sometimes for no reason at all!

I would sometimes sit down to nurse Sofi and as soon as she'd latch on, I'd burst into tears. Jeremiah would come rushing over and ask what was wrong and I'd say something like "Bwahahah... you left your socks on the floor again!!!!!" or "I"m a terrible mother and she hates me already, I just know it, look how she's glaring at me....!!!" or "I'm going to be fat and exhausted for the rest of my life and I hate being a mom....!!" or sometimes just, "I don't knoooooooowwww!!!!" A friend of mine says she would look at her daughter nursing and just sob over the fact that "someday she's going to grow up and go away and leave me and I'll never get over it!" Some days I'd alternate between euphoria and severe depression.

Another aspect of the emotional thing was feeling really vulnerable all the time. I went from being a fairly capable, responsible adult to being afraid to walk down the stairs holding the baby. It would take me all day to build up the nerve to face taking Sofi grocery shopping. With Judah we went over to a friend's house for supper when he was two weeks old and the effort required to just get two kids in the car and leave my home (!!!!) was tremendous. We got there (all of five minutes away) and I just had to sit down and cry for a few minutes. Minor violence in movies that I wouldn't have blinked at a year before left me with horrible nightmares and images in my mind that plagued me for days. Pain was something I could NOT handle. Even a paper cut would have me down on the floor doing the Bradley breathing! One day I caught my fingernail on a hook of my nursing bra and it bled a little and I almost passed out.

Thinking logically and in an orderly manner will also be a thing of the past. Your wife may normally be a model of organization and punctuality, but while she's nursing don't be surprised if you find the peanut butter in the freezer or get a raw potato in your lunchbox instead of the spaghetti you were promised (not telling...) Late will now be the new "on time" and the new late is "never". And don't stress over it, because even if your wife doesn't exhibit this particular symptom, odds are the little monkey is going to have a blowout five minutes before you leave for church anyway.

Of course all women are different, so your wife may not be quite as loopy as I was. But we're also all alike in many ways. And something along these lines is pretty common in all women. The intense experience of labor and the life-changing realizations that occur in those first few weeks of mommy-hood are probably going to leave your wife gasping. The best thing Jeremiah does for me is to allow me to work out all this emotional stuff without freaking out over it himself, and without taking my "freak outs" too seriously. He knows that even though one night I'm sobbing over my total inadequacies as a mom to two kids, the next morning I'll be delighted with my beautiful children again. And even if I go totally bonkers over the socks that have been on the floor every night for six years of married life, it's only "the hormones talking"-- although he's smart enough not to say that at the time ;) I highly recommend that you get a mental image of yourself as a padded room in which your slightly psychotic wife can safely hide away for a few months till her body chemicals level out a bit. (Which I promise will happen!!)

If you can have the grace to cover your wife's instabilities for a few short months, she will adore you for it forever--witness my feelings for Jeremiah. He has truly dealt with me "as with a weaker vessel" these four months since Judah's birth and been so patient with my weakness in this area. I wish the same for all my expectant friends!!

God Bless!!

Romance, JJF style

Perhaps those of you married to programmers, computer geeks or just a certain personality type can identify with this tale...

Last night while doing dishes:

me: You should try the lemon tea, you might like it.

J: I'll just have the vanilla.

me: Are you sure? Don't you want to try something new? It's really good.

J: No, I'll just take the lemon.

me: *sigh* Okay.

the sound of dishes clinking in the sink

J: I'm the kind of guy who likes to find a good thing and then stick to it.

me: I know.

pause for more dish washing and counter wiping

J: That's why I married you.

longer pause

J: You're my ***#32, Chef's Special Chicken.


I know I am. And I love it! Wouldn't trade places with anyone :)


***his favorite dish-- the one he orders every time-- for eight years. Every. Single. Time.

Cheap dates work for me!

This is my first post for Works for me Wednesday-- hopefully the first of many. I think it's an awesome idea for ladies to share tips and hints online!

My hint comes out of our awesome anniversary this year-- number seven! Things are always tight in the summer for us, so finding something fun, special, but inexpensive is key. This year we decided to have an "at home anniversary". Earlier in the day we went to Martin's (a grocery store around here with a nice selection of gourmet foods) and bought a selection of cheeses, wines (paired according to label recommendations with the cheeses), olives and italian sausage. We rented a romantic comedy and sent the kids to bed early. We lit candles and ate at the coffee table in front of our movie. It was so wonderful! Better food by far than anything we could have afforded at a restaurant, no babysitter fees and we could stay "out" as late as we liked! Our total "bill" for our night out was right around $50. (the leftovers fed a "girl's luncheon" the next day)

We tried it again later in the summer with friends-- wine, cheese, olives and bread for five adults cost less than $75. No cooking and very little clean-up required for a classy, classy evening with friends. (And we had enough left over to have a few nice evenings "in" for the two of us after that. )

By comparison, last week we went out and even with free babysitting from a friend, appetizers, drink and a movie cost us $60!! We are sold on this new kind of dating-- especially since we found out that Martin's now has fresh-made-daily sushi and an antipasto bar! I highly recommend it to any of you that cringe when you think of the cost of spending special time with your spouse. I'm sure there's a gourmet food place in your town, and shopping for the food and planning the wine and cheese parings is soooo much fun!

GO check out Rocks in my Dryer for more cool ideas!

Summertime

Well, here we are at the end of the summer. Well, the end for us, since school starts for Jeremiah again in three weeks. It's a tough time in our household. J ends his summer job this week and we won't get his first RCS paycheck till the end of September. So basically no money comes in for about a month and a half-- close to two months. It's tight, people-- spandex tight. 

And it gives me pause to consider the rest of the year and our usual financial security. I am here to say that J is an amazing Provider for his family. Not just in the sense that he provides oodles of boodle ('cause, really, you know us-- it's not really what I would call "oodles", per say), but he really has a knack for making every dime stretch to it's limit. The man can practically legislate money out of thin air. I say "legislate" because I think that his genius originates in his ability to manage money, rather than necessarily make lots of it (although I think, given a chance, he could also rake it in). He is an excellent Steward of what God has given us. 

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately where the authors are talking about ways to save money and skinny-up a budget by "going without". I won't go into too much personal detail (this is the internets, after all), but we are able to afford many of the little luxuries that many in the current economy are having to learn to do without, because of the way that J obsesses over the little details and minute categories of our weekly budget.

Now, lest I give the impression that I am married to an Ebeneezer Scrooge, let me also recount this recent conversation (while Sue and Ben were here):

Me: Sweetie, can I please, please have some money to go shopping?

J (controlled shock): What for??

Me: I just really, really need a new pair of jeans and then there's this really cool purse that I saw on sale and I totally don't need it but it's pretty and I want it...

J: Could you make do with $XX?

Y.E.S.

Seriously, ladies, who wouldn't die for a man like that? I ask you...