That's it. I'm calling it. I am in labor. Starting now. Or rather, 6:30 pm, August 25th. God only knows when he'll actually be born, but by golly, I'm going to get full credit for all the *muttercusscussmutter* I have to put up with in the last month of pregnancy. EVERY SINGLE EVENING, I will probably have at least an hour of regular, strong, timeable contractions. Contractions intense enough to have me pacing the floors and snapping at all and sunder. For at least the next four weeks. One day my children will appreciate what I went through for them!!
I hope.
In the meantime, I'm at least going to get the credit for my four-week-long labors. And when y'all hear rumors of three or four "false alarms" that bring J rushing home from work in the middle of the day, only to have things peter out in a few hours, I want you to realize the extent of the confusion caused by my BLASTED uterus. Seriously. With Judah, I wasn't convinced it was reallyforreal until my water broke, 45 minutes before he was born. Everyone else knew what was going on, but I still had this nagging feeling that I was going to have to shame-faced-ly send everyone home any minute right up till that moment.
I wrote this the next morning after the previous post, but neglected to edit and post till today... My apologies to those of you worried about my metal state between then and now :)
Thank you, all of you, on Facebook and here on the blog, for your words of encouragement yesterday. I feel so much better this morning. Not because anything circumstantially changed since yesterday morning, but because I've got my joy back. And things are a little more in perspective today. And probably also because I slept better last night :) And was able to schedule some house showing for this weekend.
We had a good time last night. Turns out I did have something decent and wearable in my closet after all :) Although at this point, really, nothing is going to combat the basketball on two sticks look I've got going on. But I had new earrings! And we laughed a lot. It was a little intimidating. I will always feel intimidated in a room full of highly educated people. But we still enjoyed ourselves.
Judah did NOT cry for the babysitter, so that's always good. It's pretty much a crapshoot with him. About half the time he's fine and the other half he pitches a fit.
I do so much feel the absence of a "nest", as many of you mentioned. It's a hard time to be transient for simple biological reasons, forget everything else. But somehow I've got to find my home, my rest, in the Lord and in my family, instead of in the physical circumstances in which I find myself. I'll be working on that... It will certainly be a challenge for me. I depend so much on the familiarity of my surroundings during labor and postpartum.
I still miss my friends and my old home terribly, but I have never for a moment regretted our decision to come here. As a matter of fact, despite my lowest moments, every interaction we have with Geneva's people (and the people at the several churches we've attended) has re-affirmed for us God's will in this direction. There is something rich in the interactions amongst leadership and faculty at this school, that (despite the intimidation of the sheer weight of knowledge) has excited me about J's future here. I hope I get a chance to share with some of you some stories...
It occurred to me as I started to write this morning that this is my first pregnancy I've blogged. I started this blog when Judah was a few months old, so you've all "met" the post-partum Me. But the pregnant me? This is new territory for this old blog :) Well, now you know. Mood swings are a regular part of my day.
I feel the need to elaborate on our choice of a name for our new son. Especially since everyone who hears it says "Oh, Jamie Oliver, like the Food Network Star?" I had no idea there was a Food Network Star named Jamie Oliver. *sigh* Luck of the draw, I guess.
Those of you who've read my blog for a while will possible remember the posts about Sofi's name and Judah's name, and if you've known me IRL for any length of time, I'm sure to have bent your ear about how Judah's name came to me in a dream and that J and I decided on our honeymoon to name our first daughter "Sofia". All this to say, our kids names are really important to us and we agonize over meanings and cadence and nicknames and character traits for MONTHS before we finalize a name. Here's the story of how James Oliver Forshey got his name:
From the very beginning of this pregnancy our family has been surrounded by a swirl of sorrow, uncertainty and distress. Two weeks after the unexpected discovery of those two pink lines, we found out that J's job was ending in a few short months. Our dear friends were on their way to Philly with an uncertain future for their family ahead. It's been a roller-coaster ride, these last few months.
And yet, we felt the Lord speaking Peace to us. And in particular, I felt the Lord telling me that this baby's name would be Peace, just as He had told me that Judah's name would be Praise. So I began the search for a name meaning Peace. Oliver means peace. I loved it! Unfortunately, J reacted very strongly against it when I first brought it up. I let it go, hoping the Lord would bring another name to mind.
On the way to our gender ultrasound (our first ever!) we tossed around a few ideas, ultimately settling on a girl's name and the possibility of "James" for a boy. BUT. Once we knew "boy", I had to go and ruin everything by discovering the meaning of the name James. Bleh. I told J there was no way I could stand to name our second son "supplanter" (basically that means "one who takes over the position of another"). I'm sure you can see my point. So did he, but still loving the name, he brought it up every time I tried to re-introduce "Oliver" into the discussion.
After a couple weeks of "discussions" back and forth over these two names, it suddenly occurred to one of us (me, I think) hey, why not put them together! James Oliver. And lookee there, what a cool meaning we come up with! What an interesting picture of a man who walks in, takes control of a situation or a place and establishes peace.
So that's my prayer for our Jamie, that he would be a strong man who rules his kingdom (whatever that may look like-- home, work, whatever) with peace.
Meet the Forshey Five!! (that's what we're calling him till we get a name..)
There are more snakes and snails and puppy-dog tails in store for the Forsheys!! Certain members of the family object to their son's privates being displayed to the interwebs, soooo... no money shot for ya this time :)
Well, the guesses on the post pretty much lined up with my own hunch on this pregnancy. I do indeed suspect we're having another girl :) I have to say that for the first time I don't have a strong preference, though, so if it turns out I'm wrong, I'll be fine with that. With Sofi, I really wanted a boy and with Judah (even though I knew he was a boy) I really wanted another girl! Silly me.
Now, why do I think it's a girl? It's not so much that any particular set of cravings spells "girl" or "boy" in general (although there are plenty of tales about it!), but rather which pregnancy-- girl or boy-- this one seems more like. And it's definitely Sofi's pregnancy all over again, although not quite as intense. That first pregnancy was a DOOZY, people, let me tell you. It's a wonder I ever wanted to have kids again! But that was mainly my own fault for being so darn out of shape. Word to the wise, if any of you out there are thinking about having your first anytime soon, start working out NOW and do yourself a big favor. It makes all the difference in the world.
This pregnancy is very much like Sofi's. I have wicked heartburn, a mild appetite (ate like a horse with Jude) and tend to crave carbs rather than protein. Also, I'm gaining weight like a sumo wrestler! Before I tell you how much I gained with each of the other ones, let me say right off that I lost every pound within a month of weaning (at about 15-18 months for both kids), so no judging! With Judah, a modest 30 lbs. With Sofi FIFTY POUNDS. I have a feeling we're headed down that road again. But this time, I'm in shape (despite what it may look like) and exercising and eating well and am not really worried about the weight gain. Just noticing it and speculating "girl".
There's also some other hormonal things I've noticed which I am suddenly a little embarrassed to share now that I've learned that the entire youth group from my home town is reading this blog! *waves at all the Halifax County youth* Those of you who've had a boy and a girl may know to what I refer...
If all goes as planned, we should be going in for our gender u/s in the next week or so. Based on all the following information, anyone care to take a guess as to what we'll find out? :)
I am craving: salty-sour (pickles! salt-and-vinegar chips, coleslaw) crunchy (chips, nuts, box cereal--horrible, I know, carrot sticks) Cucumbers MILK carbs, in general-- especially pasta, which I usually dislike and never cook, but we've had ravioli three times in the last week and a half.
Aversions: chocolate, sadly (same with Sofi) coffee, recently (makes me sicksicksick)
So... what does that tell you? I'll tell you my guess a little later in the week :)
I just realized that I never actually posted any details about the pregnancy :P Such as due date and other particulars. So here goes:
I have no idea. Seriously. Well, the fall sometime. What with the PCOS and all, my cycles are beYOND messed up and when we're not actively TTC I have no idea when we might have conceived. It's crazy. My best guess is that I'm about fourteen weeks right now.
We did hear a heartbeat-- praise the Lord! At around 12 weeks the midwife was able to pick it up quite easily with the doppler, which actually makes her speculate that I'm a bit further along than that.
We'll be getting an ultrasound in a couple weeks to find out the gender (which we may or may not tell you!) and get a better idea of the dates. (who am I kidding, you know I couldn't keep a secret like that for very long)
Someone asked... Denise? And the answer is, this is entirely the Lord. We were in no way expecting, looking for, or planning this pregnancy. When Judah was born, we made the decision not to ever actively TTC again. It was just too hard on our life. Marriage, Sofi, everything. It wasn't something we felt like God wanted us to do again. And, apparently, we were right! He simply reached down and whamo! Baby. Unbelievable. And a little scary.
I am starting now to feel almost confident. I say 'almost', because without feeling movement or really looking pregnant (I just look pudgy :) ), and without having gone through any of the tense months of waiting, watching and wanting, it feels reallyreally weird to be pregnant. Super weird. I keep thinking it will suddenly be revealed that it's all in my mind and I've really just put on some weight and that's that. But so far, it's real. And the heartbeat would be pretty hard to explain away :)
So. That's the story. Any other questions? Ask away :)
Last night we had a storm. It poured buckets all night long. It rained like tears of a woman losing her only child. The sound of the storm was like unrestrained weeping and sobs.This morning, the ground is soaked, a small stream runs in the street along the edge of the sidewalk. But the sun has slowly, over the last few hours, broken out from behind the straggling clouds. A bit watery, but strengthening to a brilliant promise of hope. The faintest scent and touch of springtime keeps teasing the senses and the children are laughing the laughter of the newly pardoned and released.
In the last five years, the Lord has been working on my heart. He tested my faith in ways I never thought I would experience. He gave and He took away-- both the Physical and the Spiritual. All the while, drawing my heart closer and closer to His. All the while providing for our every need. All the while building on the foundation of J's and my relationship. A foundation He laid years ago. Over these years, God completely re-arranged my ideas about what our family would look like. And only recently, had I come to be truly at peace with what seemed to be His Will.
And then last night, we saw this:
And all night long a storm was raging as we questioned everything we'd (again) come to expect of our lives, our family, our future. And again the Lord had something different in mind than we thought. (at some point, surely, we will learn not to second-guess Him...)
But, this morning, the sun has broken through the straggling clouds. J says, this is life. It's unexpected. It's a little scary. It's unpredictable. But, in the end, it's beautiful.
And at the end of the storm, the Lord again sent us His promise of Peace.
(our neighborhood, from our front porch)
Sunday, March 7, 2010
So now you all know half the reason why this place has been so silent this last two months. I know you're all dying to hear the particulars about due dates and such, but let me share a few more things first.
I think most of you know my story of PCOS, miscarriage and infertility, but there are a few others who may not be familiar, so let me give you a synopsis.
We struggled with secondary infertility for over a year (and miscarriage number one) before receiving a diagnosis of PCOS. We conceived shortly after that, but lost the baby to a missed miscarriage discovered at 15 weeks gestation. Just a few months later (two years almost exactly since our journey through IF began) we found out we were pregnant with Judah. In the nearly three years since his birth, through prayer and discussion, we decided together not to pursue any more children and after an initial struggle, I slowly began to be at peace with that. You can read more about my heart on that matter here and here and here.
Part of our decision was based on the emotional turmoil surrounding trying to conceive with PCOS and the trauma of miscarriage. Women with PCOS carry a 50%-60% risk of miscarriage with each pregnancy and after our second miscarriage, I knew that the risk of that happening again would overshadow any joy in a new pregnancy. It seemed to us like the Lord simply had other plans for our life. We began to plan a move overseas to teach, culminating in a position in a school in China that we began to pursue in September of last year. By Dec we had nearly finished the process and were beginning to apply for passports and visas.
There now. That should bring you up to date. And also help you to understand the next few posts, which I wrote over the last few weeks and will post now that the cat's out of the bag.
