Saturday, December 4, 2010

My children force me to tell the truth

Last night we had our first dinner guests over. I carefully planned out the whole day so that I could greet our guests at the door; showered, dressed, coiffed and make-up-ed, with yummy smells wafting from my spotless kitchen, through my spotless house and onto my spotless front porch.

What! What?? Why are you looking at me like that??!! It's a new town, new friends! I wanted to make a good impression. What can I say? I dream big.

Disaster 1) The avocados I purchased for my famous home-made guacamole were over-ripe and quickly turned that sickish brown-green of an over-ripe avocado exposed to the air.

Disaster 2-- 17)

Jeremiah was home late from work and rushed off immediately upon returning home to buy the beer, chips and cilantro that I had forgotten to get earlier in the day.

Jamie pooped the Incredible Poop ten minutes before they arrived, greeting the guests naked on the couch, while I rushed around frantically trying to catch up from the fifteen minutes clothes-change-and-mop-up-delay.

Judah, while "showing" his weapons to the guests, had a fit when the Mrs offered to take his sword to check it out and angrily jerked it out of her hand, leading to awkward remonstrations about "sharing".

Judah invited the innocent, child-less Mr to play "sor-fight wid meee?" Judah is not yet mature enough to moderate his blows for Play. Bruised shins and shocked noises for the guest.

Jamie gets the hiccups while sitting in his bouncy chair and fusses till he's picked up and patted/bounced/walked to get rid of them.

Judah lies down on Jamie, now back in his bouncy chair, until he cries. Judah is scolded, Jamie is consoled.

Judah dumps his taco on the floor.

Judah drinks Sofi's water.

Judah declines to eat anything but taco chips. Daddy informs him of his lack of options in this regard.

Judah and Sofi fight over the bag of taco chips resulting in taco chip crumbs all over the living room carpet.

Children are sent to their room to "play".

Judah pees in his bed.

Judah realizes that he has peed on his B (his lovey blanket that he has never slept a night without in his LIFE before)


Daddy and Mommy realize that it is 7:15, there is no credit left on the laundry card, the office (where we re-credit the card) is closed, and the machines that take quarters are all the way on the other side of the complex.


The B MUST be washed and dried before Judah will sleep.

Jamie, now ten minutes past his usual bedtime, melts down.

The curtain mercifully falls on Daddy heading out the door to the laundromat, Mommy rushing the crying Jamie off to bed and Sofi sweetly and helpfully reading Judah a book to keep him from "sor-fightin'" the guests, who are clearing the table....


Well, at least they know we're NOT perfect.


Hosanna said...

Oh dear! Sounds exactly like something out of a sitcom!

JenGross said...

Oh my! Sounds like life with a new baby and three kids to me. Invite them over again. It's GOT to be better next time :)

Herb of Grace said...

Jen, that's my theory! :)

Hos, yes indeed... If only I could make that much money out of it!

Laurie said...

Well - if there are thinking of kids, at least they are "in the know" now and can make an informed decision ;)

Wow. What a night!

I've (sorry to say) not been over on your blog for a while. What a story to catch up with you on - and it does make a great story when you are not IN it :)

Lil pretended to visit you the other day. The leaf pile was your house. Yesterday she said that maybe you guys would be at the Christmas parade. I told her I didn't think you'd come alll the way from Florida for it. To my knowledge, you did not (but there were a lot of people there).

Jenny said...

And I'm sure they all love you anyway!
Some day I'd really like to have a part, to see how I'd handle all that;)
And, geez, what is it with the Forshey kids that they HAVE to sleep on a PRECISE schedule or they're messed up and melting down? I'd never be able to do it!
BTW, your story, as terrible as it may seem, is still not nearly as bad as that ultimate poop story you linked to a while back...that one was for the record books;)
Love you!