Too long and thoughtful to be a Facebook status

Parenting just goes on getting harder and harder as your kids get older.

I have a theory about why there are so many hot-button, controversial issues about pregnancy, birth and babyhood, and so few (at least that I've come across in the Christian community) similarly divisive issues pertaining to middle-school children. It's because when we're parenting those younger children (and when we're pregnant and all that) things are so much easier to see in black and white. Once they turn eight/nine/ten, somewhere in there, it becomes so much more difficult to discern the Best Way.

I fall into this myself. Ask me about teaching my kids the meaning of "no". Ask me about getting them to sleep through the night, breastfeeding them, birthing them and proper nutrition and exercise during pregnancy-- I have ready answers and a system I firmly believe is the best for each one of those issues. (don't get me wrong, I'm not holding myself up as a paragon of perfect parenting-- I'm just saying I have strong opinions and methods I believe in pretty passionately.)

But now, now that Sofi is almosteight... well, things are different. I find it much easier to talk about why I believe in babywearing, than to explain to my sobbing almosteight-year-old why she is the "only girl my age" to not be allowed to pierce her ears. I find it sososo much simpler to teach a one-year-old not to touch the pretty glass thingy, than to teach my daughter to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even when it might get you in trouble, even when it makes you look bad. I have statistics and percentages and studies out the whazoo to convince you that natural childbirth is better for you and for your baby, but when my daughter asks me why Daddy and I won't let her wear a bikini, I just stand there and open and shut my mouth a few times like a stranded fish.

I'm a little at a loss as to why this is. It's not just that I feel less strongly about bikinis and ear piercing and telling the truth... it's just that those things are more long-term, big-picture result oriented. It's not that there's anything wrong, per se, with piercing one's ears. It's just that a part of us wants to keep that for later-- to wait, and grow up in stages, instead of all at once. It's not really about the earrings, they're just a symbol of something more important.

And the bikini, too. Another small part of a big issue. The M word. Modesty. And simply banning bikinis doesn't even begin to address the depth of Modesty as I want my daughter to express it, live it. It's just a very small part of it. It's not about covering certain parts of her body, it's about attitudes and habits.

Isn't it funny how easy it is to be adamant, unbending, vocal, passionate about the temporary, unimportant things, like whether my child sleeps through the night sooner than yours? And how hard it is to articulate and teach the really important things like Honesty, Modesty, Maturity?

The terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day

Well. Ok. Maybe that's an overstatement. Just a little.

But it wasn't a good day. It's was a day where, by five o-clock, I decided to just give up and go ahead and have a good cry. Which, at seven months pregnant and moving into a strange town, I feel I deserve now and again.

First: We lost Judah. Only for about fifteen minutes, but those were a veeery loooong fifteen minutes, let me tell you. He rode his scooter to the end of the sidewalk outside our back door and then couldn't remember how to get back to the house from there (it's only about fifteen feet, but he's new here). So he turned left and kept on going. And kept turning left or right when he got to the end of the sidewalk until he was completely outside the little enclave of enclosed courtyards that we depend on to keep the kids "safe". This neighborhood is very "woodsy", with lots of trees and shrubs, which is great-- beautiful!-- but meant that within five minutes (the time it took Sofi, who was out playing with him, to come in and put on her bathing suit, and us to realize she was in here and he was not) he was completely out of sight and hearing.

My easy-going, laid-back, calm husband gets very... intense... in moments like these. In my small-town naivete, I didn't fully grasp the gravity of the situation until he came back in and said, Get dressed, I can't see him anywhere, and then threw on his sneakers and ran back out.

We walked/ran up and down the maze of sidewalks, calling for him in carefully non-panicking voices and then, there he was. Still on the tricycle. Totally safe, although a little nervous. He'd been calling for Daddy, once he realized that he couldn't find our house-- which looks exactly identical to all the other hundreds of houses here.

Second; I took on the daunting task of grocery shopping in a New City. I am a creature of habit in grocery shopping. If you look at the roadways of the 'Burg, you may actually see a rut from my car wheels traveling the exact same path from store to store every week. The same items-- each from the store I know always carries them at the best price. Nine years of shopping at the same stores every week.

So today, newspaper circulars in hand, I sat down to make a list of prices and locations and map out my new route with the GPS. Only problem is, the GPS doesn't take into account what sort of neighborhoods it takes you through.

Twenty minutes after I left my house, I found myself walled in by concrete traffic barriers and cones. Looming over them were more concrete walls, covered in graffiti and filth. Trash everywhere and a general air of decay and want.

And then the car reminded me that we're not entirely sure that it's fixed yet. And I was afraid to even check my cell phone battery. Not that it would do any good, since the truck's in the shop and J's at home with both kids and no way to get to me before the muggers do.... *PREGNANT WOMAN PANIC*

I made it to the grocery store, which was also a little shady-looking, and then home (by a different route-- thanks to Google) and then burst into tears in the driveway.

All the way home I kept thinking, I have no idea how to do this. I've never lived in a city even remotely close to this size. When I moved to the 'Burg as a new bride, it seemed like a huge city to me. Our town had about 400 residents. How can I possibly learn to live in Orlando? With three kids? What if I do something stupid, like forget to check on them every two-and-a-half minutes? What if I forget to lock our car door? (We never locked our doors back home) What if I let them get too far away from me in the grocery store? What if I try to get someplace in town with the GPS and then run out of gas in a place like I saw today? What if....???

I just have no instincts about these things. All my life I've lived in small-town places where people were generally trustworthy and honest. Our kids have played out on the sidewalk with minimal supervision their whole lives-- trusting to their adherence to a set of boundaries, which they almost never crossed. I send Sofi two or three aisles away in the store to grab me something in another category. I let her take Judah to the back of Big Lots to ogle the toys while I shop. I sometimes leave them in the car while I run into the Post Office.

This place scares me. In the back of my mind are murmurings of the promises of the Lord, but right now the fears are muchmuch louder.

Apples of gold in settings of silver

Next to the Faith chapter of Hebrews, I think the book of James, in particular the first chapter, is my favorite place in the Scripture. I often turn to James at the end of another study or book, kind of like a refresher before moving on the something new. And every time I read it, there's some precise application to whatever issues I'm facing.

This time around finances are stressing us out. And here's what I found:

James 1:2-4: Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have it's perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

1:9-11: But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position; and the rich man is to glory in his humiliation, because like flowering grass her will pass away. For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its appearance if destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away.

I'm also struggling with some parenting issues, trying to find the balance between teacher and mom, discipline and grace, freedom and the law:

1:5: But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to you.

And I was also strengthened in my commitment to my daily time with the Lord. To let nothing keep me from His presence, first thing in the morning:

1:24 But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

Thank you, Lord for your Word! It is indeed a lamp for my feet.

Should I be worried about this?

Over heard, from across the house...


Judah, in a gasping voice: I'm wounded! I'm dying, hurry Sofi, hurry!

Sofi, frantically rushing towards him with his dino water bottle: Here, soldier, here, drink this potion! It will heal your wounds.


Later that day...

Judah: Mama! Don't take my wadah boddle off my belt! It's my potion! I need my potion!

Apparently boys need a lot of protein

Ever since Judah gave up his morning nap (shortly after turning one) he has a melt down almost every morning between 9:30 and 10:00. It's ridiculously predictable. I'll be going along with my morning routine and Judah will be playing quietly and then all of a sudden, all hell breaks loose! There are tears, tantrums and whining. Oh! the whining! What to do?

And then I read Suzanne's post about diet and nutrition for boys-- specifically about a growing boy's protein needs-- and it began to dawn on me that perhaps Judah was simply not getting enough protein for breakfast in the morning. Our normal breakfast consists of yogurt (plain, low-fat, with a little honey) and fruit. Fairly low protein compared with the levels she was recommending.

So we began to experiment! The first few days Judah got an egg or other protein source as soon as I started to notice the crankiness. It worked! Amazing. The whining and tantrums would subside back into normal behavior. But that didn't necessarily mean it was about protein in particular. Perhaps he was just needing a mid-morning snack.

Next step was to see if we could forestall the meltdown completely by simply adding protein to his normal breakfast. J fixed him three scrambled eggs for breakfast. He ate them all. No mid-morning snack, no meltdown. Hmm. Persuasive.

But the high school scientist in me wanted more proof. Next day we went with the traditional yogurt and fruit. Meltdown began promptly at 10:00. I force-fed him goldfish and cheezits for 45 minutes, attempted to distract him, and then tried to feed him lunch a little early-- which he emphatically refused, demanding to be put to bed. For a nap. Forty-five minutes early. That is unheard of.

That was yesterday.

Today he ate two pancakes and four scrambled eggs for breakfast. No meltdown. Ate a small lunch (beans, carrots, applesauce) and went straight to sleep, no fussing, no whining. He has now been sleeping for two and a half hours.

I am a believer. We will need to buy some chickens.

Dealing with Bullies

One of these days I'm really going to take my camera to the pool so you can all see my brilliant children swim. Judah in particular is a treat to watch. He wears one of those doughnut shaped "floaties" (as Sofi calls them) around his tubby little middle and charges (no other word for it) all around the wading pool (which comes up to his armpits at the deepest place). He chases his ball around and visits the other moms sitting on the side of the pool watching their children.

Sofi likes to chase after the diving rings we bought at the Dollar Store last year. She has a hard time getting all the way to the bottom, so sometimes she kicks it up a little with her foot before she dives under to get it.

Today at the pool we had a run-in with a bully.

As a preface to this tale, let me say that the H city pool is not really what I would call "high end" (which is the only reason we can afford it!) and has, on occasion, had to call in the cops to break up a fight or two. It's a mixed bag, for sure, but we like it-- it's decently clean and lots of other families we know (and some we're getting to know) go there too, so there's lots of company.

However, knowing the mix of people there, I should have known that this would happen eventually. Today as we were innocently playing with our squishy balls and diving rings in the wading pool, a little boy about a foot shorter than Sofi (but about twice as big around) starting getting a little pushy. He grabbed Judah's ball once. Sofi asked for it back and gave it back to Judah. Then he tried to grab it back. This time Judah hung onto it with both hands! So the little boy grabbed Judah and started swishing him around through the water by his suit-- his face ducking every couple seconds. I intervened and kindly explained to the boy not to grab Judah because he was too little and might fall over. Over the course of the next ten minutes, he repeatedly grabbed toys and on two occasions waded into Sofi with both fists when she tried to keep the toy away from him.

The reason I'm posting about this is not to scare everyone about public pools, but to point out how totally unprepared I was for this episode. We'd never talked with Sofi about bullies or how to deal with them. I'd never been faced with a situation in which I needed to stand up for my child in the face of a bully. I didn't have a clue. The best assistance I could offer her in that situation was "Well, go ahead and give it to him and we'll go over to the big pool if he doesn't leave you alone." When we got home, we had a talk with Daddy about how to deal with bullies and I think that she's now more prepared to deal with a situation like that in the future.

I'm sharing this as a reality check. Today we are worried about nap schedules and delayed crawling, but before you know it, we'll have to start teaching them how to stand up for themselves in the face of a bully. It happens fast, people.

Lightening fast.