Seven Scenes

SCENE ONE

(Pounding on the door accompanied by shouts offstage of "Help, Mama! Open the door!!!" from the child recently sent on a mail errand. Door is wrenched open to reveal said child standing in a maelstrom of junk mail (or rather, make that mail-strom, right? right?) while further tattered pages waft around the yard and up and down the street. Child tosses armful of still more junk mail through the door into what turns out later to be puddle of pee in the hallway and runs to street to retrieve runaway pages. Naked-from-the-waist-down toddler escapes streaker-style into the yard yelling)

Naked Toddler: "Meeee Tooooo!!!!!!!"

SCENE TWO

(Shirtless child, balanced on the back of the couch, cup in hand. He slings it repeatedly  in a broad, milk-spewing arc while laughing uproariously. His confused response to discipline causes us to realize that he had no idea that milk was actually coming out. Flashback to first five minutes of dinner in which he knocks his cup over twice and also snorts tea out of his nose once.)

SCENE THREE

"Hep me, Mama?"

SCENE FOUR

(Suspiciously shiny footprints lead from upside-down butter stick wrapper to All. Of. The Everywhere. Forever. Milk-spilling-tea-snorter responsible. Again) 

SCENE FIVE

  

(Mother rushing to rescue screaming child applies too-swift discipline to seat of (it turns out) innocently helpful pants...)

Screaming Child

"Buh-buh-buuuuut Maaaaahahahamaaaa! I was tryin' to HELP him get out!"

Mother

"Weren't you pushing that chair over in front of him to trap him in there??"

Screaming Child

"Nohohooooooo! I was tryin' to pull it outta the WAAAAAAAAYYYYEEEEEEEE so he could get OUUUUUUUUUT!"

(Apologies, hugs, reconciliation ensue)

SCENE SIX

(Dinner)



You know you want this recipe, right??? Say it with me now..)

Readers

"YUUUUUMYYYYYYYYY!"

SCENE SEVEN

(Exhausted and brain-dead adults collapsed on couch, wine glasses in hand, staring at the walls. Peaceful, bed-time-ish musics swells as the lights fade and the curtain falls.)