Jeremiah, on buying bathroom products for men....

him: "The general rule is, go for monosyllabic. Pert"

me: "but what about Pert Plus?"

him: "That's a monosyllable and a mathematical operative. That's even better. And Lever 2000. That's two syllables, but there's a number, so that eliminates one syllable. And Zest. But nothing with fruit. Fruit just ruins it right away-- regardless of the number of syllables."

me: laughing hysterically and rolling on the bed.