Thursday, October 30, 2008

A little introspection

We've been talking about abortion a lot lately. Not just on these blog posts, but also with friends and family in person, on the phone, via Skype... We've been discussing things like life at conception, the humanity of the unborn and ensoulment. It's a touchy group of subjects for me. It's been... how many years now? since our bout with infertility and our miscarriages, but there's still a very tender place in my soul under all the joy and contentment of our life now.

Lewis, In The Weight of Glory, talks about this wistful tug at the human heart, an unconscious painful longing for Something, that affects all of us and becomes sometimes unbearable in the quiet lonely moments. He identifies it as a longing for our true home and the face of our Father. I think in some way my residual pain from the loss of that child has become inextricably bound up in that longing for my true home. That deep wound to my heart has intensified in some way the "not quite right" feeling of this world full of pain.

So I suppose I can, with all honesty, say that God has chosen not to completely heal that wound. But I think He has instead used that experience to give me a sense of further investment (if you will) in the Kingdom of Heaven because I've already sent some of my belongings on ahead of me.

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