Discouraged

I've been kind of down lately. It's my body that's getting me down. This old thing. It don't work right, nohow. It's like an antique car that needs to be babied and coddled along in order to function correctly and even then it's loud, obnoxious and large.

Here's the struggle. I have sugar issues. PCOS is pretty close to being Diabetes, except with luck, exercise and diet you can post-pone the D for ten or more years. My body craves sugar all the time. But sugar is about the worst thing for me. In fact, if I want to get to a confidence-inducing weight, I'd need to completely eliminate all sugar and simple carbs from my diet (except some small amounts of fruit sugars). That, and exercise 45 min a day. Yes. 45 minutes a day of intense cardio-vascular exercise. According to my dr that is what's considered to be a "weight-loss rate of exercise". Ha. She should know better. She has kids too...

I've really tried to commit to exercise. I've even gone so far as to wake up at 6:00 am in order to fit in a work-out and shower before the kids get up. How did that go, you ask? Can you guess? Yep, Judah moved his wake-up time from 7:00 to 6:20. I guess he senses that there is something more fun than sleep going on somewhere in the house. This is only one example of the many ways the kids have outsmarted my attempts to get regular exercise.

The sugar craving thing is a bummer, too. It's really an addiction. Apparently it has something to do with the way my body processes sugar. When I eat sugar, it gives me a rush of energy and a good mood. But shortly thereafter I'll crash and burn. Then the sugar craving hits again. And so on... So, like any addict, I have to tough it out through several days of crankiness, fatigue and NO SUGAR and then I'll be okay, until the next time there are cookies or chocolate in the house. Or the next time we have a stressful week, or sick kids, or sleepless nights, etc.

So here I am. Stuck at 20 pounds over-weight. Struggling with fatigue, sugar-addiction, out-of-control acne and pms. Unable to exercise more than once or twice a week. And discouraged.

If you're waiting for the uplifting and positive conclusion to all this, don't hold your breath. I just don't have any answers to the dilemma at this point. My current attitude is a sort of "batten the hatches" approach. That is, do the best I can to eat well, exercise whenever I can fit it in (run around in the yard with the kids, go for walks, bike to the library. etc) and try to ignore the extra 20 lbs until the kids are older and there's a little extra money coming in and I can go back to the gym on a regular basis.

*sigh*