Thank you for Ebay and the comforting thought that at least I can make back some of what I splurged since the clothes will be practically brand new (please God!).
The last few days have been rough-- I'm not going to lie. Contractions have ranged from simply annoying to flat-out painful. Yesterday when I went to pick J up from work, I could barely walk around from the driver's side to the passenger side. I've gotten a couple nights of good sleep in the last week, but the rest of the time I wake up sometime in the wee hours and labor for a couple hours, falling back into exhausted sleep around 5 or 6, only to wake up again at 6:30 to the day's normal activities.
I've not been posting much (duh) mostly because I'm getting tired of talking about it. I've said before, it's a mind game. For example; last night J and I were both thinking he might not go into work this morning. Things were intense. He even called the midwife to let her know that things might just come to head any time. Around 8 I just went to bed, so I could try and relax a little. But at 8:30, the ctx just freakin' QUIT. Just like that *snaps fingers*. They were gone and I got this burst of energy and tidied up the house, helped him get the kids in bed and washed the dishes. It was like I had dreamed the whole thing up till then. Or like it happened to someone else. I'm getting tired of wondering if it's all in my head, if I'm making it up, if people are beginning to suspect me of being a chronic hypochondriac. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really pregnant, or maybe I dreamed that up too! (that feeling doesn't usually last too long, though, considering the size of me)
I was pretty bummed last night and then the Lord put this verse in my head:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths.
It was a bracing reminder that my own understanding (as confident in it as I tend to be in this particular area) is ohso limited when confronted with the plans of God. I have no idea what He's doing with my body right now, but it's completely outside of my control. And if I try to take control, I will only mess it up. I have to give it up and simply be a vessel, for as much longer as the Lord sees fit to require that of me.
But with the admonition of that Scripture, the Lord also sent comfort-- He does remember our frame is but dust :)
1) Quiet time with J before work-- we woke up early on purpose and it was worth it.
2) Children slept in an extra half hour.
3) The postman bringed me a package!!!! Oh the pretties!! Most of them are nursing things for after Jamie is born, but there were a few maternity tops in there, too :) And some white linen shorts. Yum!
4) As the looming pile of filing on my desk slid to the floor, the ultrasound pics from Jamie's 22nd week were uncovered-- reminding me that in the end, it will all be worth it. And I'll forget these hard days in an instant when I hold that tiny wet body and look into his eyes for the first time. Bliss!
And thank you, thank you, God for creating the colors coral, hot pink and lime green!