Thursday, March 10, 2011

Laying it out a little

I've given up Facebook for Lent. Mostly because I've found that, since we moved here, FB has taken a greater and greater chunk out of my daily "free time". That is, time when kids aren't immediately in need of me. And I've become far too dependent on it as a crutch to get me through a rough day, when what I should be doing on those days is 1) a better job of loving my (albeit, cranky) kids, and 2) praying for wisdom and patience. Since James' sleeping habits (or NON-sleeping habits) are not changing for the better, those rough days are becoming more and more frequent and I just found myself fleeing to the sympathetic ears of my FB friends more and more.

So. Forty days ought to break that habit. I hope. If not.... *sigh*

I would like to take this opportunity to quickly mention something that's been plaguing me (and keeping me from blogging regularly) for some time. Sometime shortly after Christmas, someone (who shall remain nameless) mentioned to me that someone ELSE (whom they did not name to me, so... also nameless) mentioned to them (this is definitely how rumors get started) that I whine a lot on this blog.

*letting that settle*

Well. That took the wind out of my sails, let me tell you. Not that it's news to me. I mean, I've flat out stated it here on this very blog that whining is one of my besetting sins and something I've passed on to my kids and struggle with daily. But it hurt my feelings that, 1) someone noticed it here on this blog, and 2) it made enough of an impression on them that they'd mention it to someone else as a feature of this blog.

So I've spent the last two months second-guessing and editing and waffling about everything I post. Which means most times I just don't post at all. I have at least a week's worth of posts languishing in my "unpublished" folder, waiting for me to decide if they're worth posting.

But as I've done all that thinking and second-guessing and waffling, I've come to a conclusion. This blog is an expression of myself, with all my faults, honest and unpretentious, with no claim to superiority, or greater wisdom and virtue. I am not writing here because I consider that I have something vital to say every day. I don't write to instruct my readers, or to admonish them from a position of authority.

I am writing because that's what I do. I am writing for the love of words. I write so I will remember-- good things and bad. I write so that the people who love me and my family and who are far away, will feel that they are still, in a way, part of our daily lives. I write because the words buzz around in my head and only form into coherent, peaceful thoughts when my fingers hit the keyboard. I write so I can think clearly. I write hoping that people who read might get a little something out of it.

And so, if you are reading, I hope you are reading, not to learn anything profound, or to see "how it's done". I hope you aren't expecting to hear the daily musings of the perfect Proverbs 31 Woman. I hope you don't come looking for a daily lesson of some sort, or always expecting to be uplifted by the contents.

Rather, if you come and read and leave laughing, or feeling a little better about the day you're having, or if you read something that helps you cope a little better with the DAILYNESS of mommy-life, sometimes even if you cry a little and definitely if you go hug your babies a little tighter, then that's everything I could ever ask from a little blog like this.

So, I've got no great resolutions about improving the content, but I've come around full circle to feel comfortable again in my own, often-whiny bloggy skin. Here's to four more years of Herb of Grace, the blog!

PS. Since I"m FB free for Lent, would y'all click on over and comments here, instead of leaving your comments on the auto-post on Facebook? Pretty please?


Becky said...

I'll comment. :) I don't know you very well, but I do know you from Covenant. You are one of the people that inspired me to start my own blog. Your blog is one of my favorites to read because it is real and raw. I have read blogs that make me feel sad, or low after finishing because of heavy content. Sometimes I read the posts and think, where is this person leaving room for hope? I don't get that when I read your blog. Amy Aldrich has played a big role in teaching me the importance of showing our brokenness. Your blog should be a place where you feel free to express yourself. The quote at the top of my blog is from Abraham Lincoln, "Writing, the art of communicating thoughts to the mind, through the eye, is the great invention of the world, allowing us to communicate with the dead, the absent, and the unborn at distances of time and space." That is why I write. To remember the real, the mundane, and the ordinary, every day, messy moments. I hope that you will keep writing just as before. I always leave your blog with a thought to ponder and/or a smile on my face because you have such a delightful way of expressing yourself. Whining is feeling sorry for yourself and expecting sympathy, you are just sharing that you are REAL! I love that! This might sound harsh, but if that is someone's complaint about your blog, maybe they don't need to be reading it. Keep the posts coming - I'm a big fan!
Love, Becky Scheel

PS I gave up Facebook for Lent, too! For similar reasons - well, not the kids part.

Heather said...

Hey Lis

I'm glad you have an outlet that works for you. It's important as a parent that you can sometimes let things flow out instead of holding them in--and writing does that for you. So good luck in giving up FB (I did it most of last Lent, and need to cut my time back too). I'll try to remember to post here sometimes, I read often and appreciate what you say, however you say it, because it often reflects what's in my head only you've said it better. :)

Anonymous said...

Please keep blogging. I LOVE your blog and I don't take it as whinning, just life. You so often write what I am feeling and it is nice to know I am not alone. You are an awesome writer and I appreciate your willingness to share. Please keep it up!!! I do not know you personally, I just stumbled upon your blog one day and enjoy it so much. Thanks again from a Mama in blogland!!!!

Herb of Grace said...

:) Thanks, guys. Such encouraging comments!

Jenny said...

Funny, I've never felt like you were really whining here. Hmmmm....maybe that's because your way of communicating is so similar to mine;).
You write in similar format to me, too - though much better, I'm sure;) Figuring it out as you go through the writing -- starting with Point A and figuring out the route to Point B til you can come to a conclusion that works. There's nothing wrong with showing your brain functioning in your writing. Most people can't explain the way they think so well. Consider it a gift! AND, if someone thinks you're whining, it's them that's doing the whining and no one is forcing them to read. They probably just caught your blog on a "whiny" day and didn't read to the END of the post for the conclusion! LOVE YOU!