I've given up Facebook for Lent. Mostly because I've found that, since we moved here, FB has taken a greater and greater chunk out of my daily "free time". That is, time when kids aren't immediately in need of me. And I've become far too dependent on it as a crutch to get me through a rough day, when what I should be doing on those days is 1) a better job of loving my (albeit, cranky) kids, and 2) praying for wisdom and patience. Since James' sleeping habits (or NON-sleeping habits) are not changing for the better, those rough days are becoming more and more frequent and I just found myself fleeing to the sympathetic ears of my FB friends more and more.
So. Forty days ought to break that habit. I hope. If not.... *sigh*
I would like to take this opportunity to quickly mention something that's been plaguing me (and keeping me from blogging regularly) for some time. Sometime shortly after Christmas, someone (who shall remain nameless) mentioned to me that someone ELSE (whom they did not name to me, so... also nameless) mentioned to them (this is definitely how rumors get started) that I whine a lot on this blog.
*letting that settle*
Well. That took the wind out of my sails, let me tell you. Not that it's news to me. I mean, I've flat out stated it here on this very blog that whining is one of my besetting sins and something I've passed on to my kids and struggle with daily. But it hurt my feelings that, 1) someone noticed it here on this blog, and 2) it made enough of an impression on them that they'd mention it to someone else as a feature of this blog.
So I've spent the last two months second-guessing and editing and waffling about everything I post. Which means most times I just don't post at all. I have at least a week's worth of posts languishing in my "unpublished" folder, waiting for me to decide if they're worth posting.
But as I've done all that thinking and second-guessing and waffling, I've come to a conclusion. This blog is an expression of myself, with all my faults, honest and unpretentious, with no claim to superiority, or greater wisdom and virtue. I am not writing here because I consider that I have something vital to say every day. I don't write to instruct my readers, or to admonish them from a position of authority.
I am writing because that's what I do. I am writing for the love of words. I write so I will remember-- good things and bad. I write so that the people who love me and my family and who are far away, will feel that they are still, in a way, part of our daily lives. I write because the words buzz around in my head and only form into coherent, peaceful thoughts when my fingers hit the keyboard. I write so I can think clearly. I write hoping that people who read might get a little something out of it.
And so, if you are reading, I hope you are reading, not to learn anything profound, or to see "how it's done". I hope you aren't expecting to hear the daily musings of the perfect Proverbs 31 Woman. I hope you don't come looking for a daily lesson of some sort, or always expecting to be uplifted by the contents.
Rather, if you come and read and leave laughing, or feeling a little better about the day you're having, or if you read something that helps you cope a little better with the DAILYNESS of mommy-life, sometimes even if you cry a little and definitely if you go hug your babies a little tighter, then that's everything I could ever ask from a little blog like this.
So, I've got no great resolutions about improving the content, but I've come around full circle to feel comfortable again in my own, often-whiny bloggy skin. Here's to four more years of Herb of Grace, the blog!
PS. Since I"m FB free for Lent, would y'all click on over and comments here, instead of leaving your comments on the auto-post on Facebook? Pretty please?