Thursday, July 2, 2009

If you give a pig a poke....

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You know what they say about pigs, right? The secret to get a pig to go the way you want him to go is try and force him to go in the opposite direction. The dern thing is just plain ornery that way. I am forced to admit that I do share some aspects of this characteristic of the porcine family. I am not proud of this. But I must admit it. Especially when it comes to the realm of exercise. In particular, jogging.


I hate jogging.
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I hate jogging with a passion most reserve for the Other Political Party and the neighbor's loud parties on weekends.

I hate jogging with a steadfastness akin to the faithfulness of a swan couple, which (as you know) mates for life.

(cue: "You're the wiiiiiiind beneath my wings....")Flying Swans

However. I enjoy my health. And it seems that simply jogging a two mile route through the downtown is going to be the easiest and most dependable way for me to get exercise this summer. Therefore I have undertaken a nightly jogging routine. And I hate it.

But I have discovered that the secret to continuing this routine, despite the hatred is one borrowed from the pig farmer. Here is the conversation that goes on in my head every night after dinner:

the Jogging-Hating Me: I'm so tired tonight. I just don't know how I'm going to jog this time. I think I may just have to call it off. I'll go in the morning.

the Healthy Me: (thinking fast, and not falling for that old "I'll do it in the morning" routine) Oh, but think how much better you'll feel in the morning if you go!

the JHM: But I'm just so tired.... and I did do a lot of gardening this morning. I don't really even need to jog...

the HM: (remembers the pig farmer and changes tactics) Yeah, you're right, that's true. You've probably already burned off, like, nine thousand calories anyways...

the JHM: well, I doubt quite that much.

the HM: But still it's better not to over-do it.

the JHM: well, maybe I"ll just walk for a little while...

the HM: how about around the block?

the JHM: Maybe I'll jog half and walk half...

the HM: well, don't push yourself too hard. How about just go one mile?

the JHM: I'll jog one mile and walk/jog the other half.
the HM: are you sure you feel up to it?
the JHM: (starts warming up with some jumping-jacks) I might even jog the whole thing, maybe try to add another half-mile, maybe I'll add on some weights, or do some back-flips in there...

the HM: But think of the blisters!

the JHM: (begins belting out the theme from "Rocky" as she sprints down the block)

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the HM: (quietly hums the "Hallelujah Chorus")








14 comments:

Susannah Forshey said...

YAYYY! for the New Jogging YOU!!! Exercise is 90% mental.

Jenny said...

Too funny...I loved living in "town" so that I could go out in our neighborhood and just jog late at night (it was a safe place and I never got far from home). Now, I live in the country and jogging at night would be suicide on these roads...sigh...leaves me with the treadmill which is non-stimulating to say the least. I really need a lovely in-ground pool with a bubble over top so that I can swim year round. Guess I'd better start buying those lottery tickets, huh?
Good for you!!!

Herb of Grace said...

Jenny, I agree with you, treadmills are AWFUL. I have to use one a couple times a week when J's gone in the evenings and I can't jog.

Dawn Farias said...

The ONE time I was a jogger, I did it in the evening, too. I loved it. So quiet and peaceful. Please don't inspire me to do that again, b/c I, too, hate jogging.

Hosanna said...

Yay. Is it true, though, that jogging is bad for you knees? I do power walking, and hay-bale lifting and stacking, several hundred at a time, (a total body-workout - ugh) feed sack lifting, stall-mucking, water-bucket carrying, 6-horse grooming sessions and baths, etc.etc......

Herb of Grace said...

Yep, but Hos, all that stuff isn't cardio. It's just not the same. You still need at least 20 min, at least three times a week, of a sustained elevated heart rate for good heart health :) (quoting dr there). And it hurts my knees for the first five minutes or so, but they're fine after i get warmed up. And with all my spinal issues, if I DON"T have regular aerobics, I get reeeeeally sore.

Herb of Grace said...

Hi, Dawn :) Good to see you here ;) I promise, no more inspiring posts about jogging :)

For a while, anyway.

Gramoni said...

You'd be surprised how "aerobic" those things Hosanna mentioned really are. (Especially if you are doing them with conviction!) I've stopped for a half minute in the middle of my workand taken my pulse and found it right up there at--and even beyond--the recommended.

Susannah Forshey said...

If you can't run a mile---you should. If you haven't tried, don't say it's *as good as* any other form of exercise. *sternly* At this point, you have nothing to compare it to. For 15 years, I substituted other "cardio" exercises for running because I thought it was boring, pointless, unnecessary, replaceable, harmful, and myriads of other excuses. Then, when my husband challenged me to start running (the most basic form of PT in the Army) I discovered the truth. I COULDN'T run a mile. Not even after the years of "just as good as..." "put my heart rate up there with..." exercises I'd been substituting with. So I started training. It hurt, and I sweated; the 2 things I think I was *really* trying to avoid, and within 4 months, I'm up to 3 miles and beyond. My waist is skinnier than ever! :) JUST DO IT!

Herb of Grace said...

Yeah, I have to agree with you, Susi. I've been "running" on an elliptical machine (three miles in 40 min-- not super great but getting there), doing weight training and aerobics classes and home videos for literally years. And honestly, running is waaaay harder than any of those.

Hosanna said...

So what's the difference between jogging and running?

Shaye said...

Soooo funny!

Just great...now I'm going to be singing "Flying High Now..." from Rocky. I can never get a song out of my head once it starts. THANKS A LOT! :wink:

~Shaye

Rebecca said...

Just wanted to let you know that you, in part, inspired me to get back into running too, which I do like but just hadn't done at all this year yet.

It's funny, though, how differently our minds must work. I know that for me, an exercise plan that only involves one thing, much less something I hate, is not, no way on this earth, going to work for me. I have a few cardio-and-strength-training workout DVDs that I really enjoy, but even so for me one of the most important things is variety, otherwise I will stick to no plan.

Good for you, though, for digging your heels in, so to speak, and making yourself stick to the jogging (even if the piggy self-conversation is necessary to get there, lol!).

Susannah Forshey said...

Hosanna,

Running is the all-inclusive term for hastening your heiney above a walk. Jogging is a fancy word for a slow run. When I'm checking my speed at a 2-mile run (the standard of measurement for the Army), I'm "running." WHen I'm pacing myself to do 3 miles or more, I'm more at a jog...epecially if I have the stroller. :)